Monday, July 04, 2005

Jesus, That's Some Good Weed

In honor of Independence Day, I thought it might be nice to discuss something we aren't free to do in America---get high. In preparation for today's post, I checked out Wiktionary's list of slang terms for marijuana(http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Wiktionary_Appendix:Cannabis_Slang). Of course, there were the usual suspects---herb, weed, pot, grass, Mary Jane, ganja, etc. Then, there were those I've never heard of, and with any luck, I never will again. Have you ever heard cannabis referred to as Bob Hope, Old Toby, Paul Zurawski or lamb's bread? Me neither. What the hell?

Anyway, as groovy as Old Toby makes you feel, it's going to be a while before Christian conservatives let us smoke the shit freely. I know that Montell Williams, High Times and Phish fans are really pushing petitions to get the stuff legalized, but on the other side of the fence there's Jerry Falwell, George W. Bush and your grandparents. However, there's an article on Neon Joint that may score a point for the hippies. The article asserts that there is evidence that the oil Jesus and his disciples used for healing and annointing the sick contained a derivative of the cannabis plant. To be honest, the article is quite lengthy, and I was too baked to read the whole thing. I'm only kidding really---I didn't even inhale. I just read enough to know that their bottom line is that persecuting Christians for smoking Bob Hope is downright anti-Christ! Is it really such a stretch? We always knew that people back then got stoned all the time (for stuff like theft and adultery). Check the article and form your own conclusions: http://www.neonjoint.com/articles/jesus.html. No matter what you think of this whole thing, you'll have to agree that it will be a disaster if Michael Jackson gets wind of this research. Next thing you know, he'll be trying to save the children by toking on Jesus Joints with them. If this pro-Paul Zurawski slant on the facts is too biased for you, the BBC also did an article about in 2003: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/2633187.stm.

So this Fourth of July, you'll have to drink lots of Budweiser and Wild Turkey instead of chillin' with Mary Jane. Beat up your wife, drive a car into a tree and make a complete ass out of yourself. Be a real red-blooded American---not one of those sissy pothead hippie types!

1 comment:

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