Friday, July 01, 2005
Fear of a Wack Planet
Have you been feeling isolated lately because you can't talk to anyone about your paralyzing fear of shins (geniophobia)? Is your peladophobia (fear of bald people) becoming more intense now that your father is 59 and recreating the whole Kojak look? Don't worry too much--there are millions just like you. Fear is an incredibly widespread and generally useful instinct that helps us to sense danger, and prompt a fight or flight reaction in precarious situations. It only becomes intriguing when people become terrified of things that the rest of us find completely harmless. For example, people who have an irrational fear of long words must be totally freaked out by their diagnosis---hippopotomowstrosesquippedaliophobia. As I implied in yesterday's post, many celebrities are nuttier than a fruitcake. I'm sure you can imagine that a lot of them are afraid of some dumb-ass shit. Lyle Lovett is afraid of cows. He was attacked by a bull once, but he's okay with THEM---it's those damn cows that make him quiver. Alfred Hitchcock was ovaphobic, meaning he was scared of eggs. P. Diddy allegedly gets nervous about clowns, but if so, how could he have let Mase be a Bad Boy----twice? Billy Bob Thornton and Christina Ricci may just be tied for having the nicest collection of fears. He is afraid of Komodo dragons, antique silverware and Victorian furniture. She refuses to be around gerbils or houseplants. She also has a debilitating fear that a shark will find its way through the hatch in her swimming pool. I'm serious my friend---this is real shit. I wouldn't lie to you. Find a name for your own irrational fears: http://www.phobiaguide.com/, and get help immediately!