Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Our World Is But A Land Of A Master Jam

Recently, it's become apparent to me that the only way to survive in today's hip-hop industry is to prefix your name with "Lil'" or "Young". I have been observing this phenomenon for quite some time, and then I came across this article, which seems to further validate my theory. Although this formula may somewhat stunt the growth and evolution of the art form, the people have spoken---and the people want stupid rapper names. If this trend continues, artists without said prefixes may need to switch up their aliases to appeal to contemporary hip-hop audiences. In order to help some of these guys out, I composed a short list of possible conversions:

Ja Rule = Lil' Sappy: In light of all those "tender" songs with Ashanti, this title seems all too well-deserved.

Kevin Federline = Lil' Brains: Dude and his wife may, in fact, have a lower combined IQ score than any other humanoid couple on the planet, bringing new meaning to the term "double negative". Also, K-Fed has to be kinda stupid to believe he can rap in the first place...

Diddy = Young Cheezy: He's already changed his name enough times without any assistance on my part, but this pseudonym seems more fitting than anything he's come up with so far.

50 cent = Lil' Clappy: As many times as this cat claims to have been shot, how can you possibly question me on this one?

Fat Joe = Young Queasy: Dude's stomach is probably achin' pretty bad after all that food he just ate.

DMX = Lil' Snappy: Is it just me, or is X constantly on the brink of going completely bananas?

Andre 3000 = Lil' Rappy: This half of Outkast has been crooning so much lately, you have to wonder if he still remembers how to rhyme.

Nelly = Young Suck: I never thought much of his music, even when he had the whole world speakin' Country Grammar. The Band-aid thing was unforgivably wack, not to mention the ridiculous beef with Chingy (who should seriously consider renaming himself Lil' Crappy). Talk about a sissy fight...

Okay...this exercise could probably keep going into infinity and beyond, but you've probably had enough of my foolishness by now. On to the links...

If you like hip-hop, R & B, jazz, and/or soul music, you may want to check out The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. It's a brand new mp3 blog with a generous number of song selections currently available for download.

If you haven't paid a recent visit to The Sole Life, you're missing out on two Buckwild remixes---"You Know Now" (Showbiz & AG) and "C'mon Wit The Git Down" (Artifacts w/ Busta Rhymes). You can also cop a couple of Outkast joints remixed by Floyd The Locsmif ("Jazzy Belle" and "Story Tellin'") via this post.

Peep the following videos on Stones Throw's website: "Nothing Like This" (J Dilla), "Take It Back" (Madlib), and "Monkey Suite" (Madvillain).

Download some "soul jazz" by Freddie McCoy ("Gimme Some"), courtesy of Funky 16 Corners.

If you aren't already a fan of John Robinson, you may have respect for some of the producers who worked on his latest album---MF Doom, Madlib, Wale Oyejide, and more. Acquire a few selections from The Leak Edition Volume 2 at The Broke B-Boys.

A few worthwhile collections of photographs can be viewed at Flickr. Check out photos from Soul Portrait, The Vinyl Junkie Pool, and this selection of "really bad album covers".

JT at Feed Me Good Tunes recently posted a few original songs that were sampled in joints by Jay-Z and MF Doom.

I'm hoping that most of you already read ear fuzz, but in the event that you missed the post with tracks by Joe Graves, The Creations, and The Trinikas, make sure you pay them a visit.

Pound For Pound is featuring the original vocal version of Afrika Bambaataa & Soul Sonic Force's "Planet Rock". Bonus beats and the classic mix are available as well.

Go to The "A" Side to download Johnnie Taylor's "Rome (Wasn't Built In A Day)".

Aunt Doobie and Uncle Sherm used to watch "Facts of Life" all the time. Can't imagine how in the world I missed the bong episode.

As far as I'm concerned, Lyrics Born's "Lady Don't Tek No" is one of the nicest hip-hop tracks ever recorded. Cop it at MP3 4U.

Download Billie Holiday's "Gloomy Sunday" at the incredibly hospitable Motel de Moka.

Ian at Notes from a Different Kitchen posted a lot of new hip-hop mp3s in the past few days . Some of the highlights have been "Hip Hop Is Dead" by Nas, "The N" (also by Nas), and "Corporate Takeover" by Jay-Z. Hit up that last link if you're also interested in The Game's new track with Kanye, "Wouldn't Get Far".

Cop "Lost Ones" by Jay-Z and "Ghost Is Back" by Ghostface at

Download some live James Brown tracks (from a show in Switzerland, circa 1973) via Ickmusic. At least go check out the photo, and get back to me on why you think The Godfather of Soul stole Geraldo Rivera's moustache for picture day...

There's some really interesting music over at Dalston Oxfam Shop. Can't say you ain't heard...

Finally, hip-hop heads and soul fans alike should see what's happening over at hahamusic. This blog is also in its infancy, but this could become the place to be.

Damn---I hate typing and shit...

Word From Your Moms:

"Only one thing is impossible for God: to find any sense in any copyright law on the planet"---Mark Twain


Travis said...

Nice links, and so true commments.

Lil' Trav

Anonymous said...

Lol. those rapper names are pretty good. Thanks for the links.

Jim Hendry said...

Xzibit -- Young Breezy
[too much MTV reality show time, not enough recording studio time. Guy's phoning it in. Seriously. His new single makes me weep. And did anyone see "Derailed" anyway?]

BULLANT said...

Thats true on the prefixes, I also think there is a few too many "Big"s too.


Renato Pagnani said...

I know it's nit-picking, but "Lady Don't Tek No" is technically a Latyrx track. They released it as a single in 1997 and it also appeared on the Muzapper's Mixes EP which was released in '98.

I agree with you, though, the track is one of my all-time favourites.

Nice blog, my friend.

Scholar said...

Travis, Shelly, and Bullant---peace, and gratitude for the feedback. It's because of people like you who take the time to comment that I do this damn thing.

JT---next time I make up some crazy list, I'm gonna make it a collabo w/ you. great minds think alike ;)

Renato---no disrespect was intended on not crediting Latyrx w/that joint. I'm a Lateef fan, too, so I wouldn't intentionally fail to give him his proper due. The mp3 I linked, however, is from the new Lyrics Born live CD, so I described the track as his for that reason. When linking multiple tracks, I often don't have a lot of time to go into detail about particular songs. Sorry about the confusion.

Anonymous said...

Great use of the prefixes. What a way to end my day. You always know how to lift my spirits.
Thanx, Phoenix

Unknown said...

young suck... hahahah

too funny

lil rappy's verse on walk it out remix is bananas tho. (remix sunday 36, if u need)

good stuff as always

Scholar said...

Haldan---Props on that Roc nomination. Palms Out continues to be one of the most extraordinary locations on the internet.

I'll grant you that Dre's rap is tight on that rmx. I'm actually one of the few hip-hop fans I know who digs dude's singing voice. I really just took a cheap shot because I couldn't resist.

viagra online pharmacy said...

Why everybody loves Jay Z ? this guy have done nothing interesting!

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