Saturday, May 27, 2006

No Jesus, No Peace...Know Jesus, Know Peace

Earlier this week, Jesus and I went on another one of our infamous road trips. This time, however, our quest was not for vinyl, but for unbiased knowledge and absolute truths (neither of which we found, by the way). For those of you who don't know Jesus, you'll have to read some earlier posts...or consult a priest---I'll leave that to your discretion.

At any rate, whenever we go on these little expeditions, Jesus always sits in the driver's seat. I guess it's some kind of control thing. He usually lets me do all the talking, as Jesus only speaks when he has something meaningful to say. On this latest excursion, however, it was evident that Jesus had some things to get off of his chest. He casually mentioned that I ought to interview him for a post on Souled On, because after all, he is the most famous person I know. When I explained that I would rather wait until I had some time to prepare the questions, it became evident that it was going to be Jesus' way, or the highway. The dialogue that ensued went something like this:

Scholar: what do you make of this whole idea that Christians in America are being terribly persecuted?
Jesus: Well, you can't really believe anything that Tom DeLay says, now can you? I think the whole notion is somewhat of an insult to people who've actually been killed, tortured, imprisoned, and raped for what they believe.

Scholar: Do you plan on watching "The Da Vinci Code"?
Jesus: Eh...I don't know. I genuinely wanted to see that flick, until I found out that Forrest Gump was playing the lead.

Scholar: What do you make of the Intelligent Design Theory?
Jesus: My dad calls it the Ignorant Dummy Theory. I have an aunt who looks sort of like a baboon, so the thought that we evolved from apes has always seemed somewhat more conceivable.

Scholar: Is anyone in modern times truly possessed by the devil?
Jesus: My first inclination would be to say no, but then you have cases like Bill O'Reilly, Dick Cheney, and Rush Limbaugh, all of whom could potentially use a good old-fashioned exorcism.

Scholar: Are you and George W Bush really as close as he seems to think you are?
Jesus: Nah. That brotha acts too damn crazy. I had to cut him loose.

Scholar: Do you seriously hate gay people?
Jesus: Nope...I actually have a lot of gay friends. Elton John, Ellen DeGeneres, and Tom Cruise are all really nice people.

Scholar: What color are you?
Jesus: Well, I take on many different shades, but mostly I am gray. That's what you get when you mix all of the colors together, right?

Scholar: Does the fact that Isaac Hayes quit "South Park" for religious reasons ensure him a place in heaven?
Jesus: Umm...nah. Black Moses brought him closer to salvation than that...don't you agree?

Scholar: Any parting words for my readers?
Jesus: Yeah. I like wine, but not the cheap stuff...

With that, Jesus said, "Let there be linkage"---and there was linkage...

At 33/45, you can download "Peace Pipe" by B.T. Express. Damn...that shit is funky:

I Guess I'm Floating is featuring a few mp3s from Zion I's True & Livin' LP:

A few joints for reggae fans to check out:
Lee "Scratch" Perry's "Space Dub" at disco-not-disco:
"All Wi Doin' Is Defendin'" by Poet And The Roots at Mars Needs Guitars:
"No Burial" by Michael Rose at Breath of Life: Included in the same post this week at BOL are two other tracks you shouldn't miss---"Tryin' Times" by Roberta Flack and "Yu-Ma/ Go Away Little Boy" by Marlena Shaw. Due to my negligence, this post will probably only be up for about 24 more hours, but you'll still be able to access it through their archives.

A couple of joints from Dan the Automator's Lovage project (as Nathaniel Merriweather) are available at work for it---"Sex (I'm A)" and "Strangers on Train":

Al Green and Billie Holiday each recorded a song called "Guilty". They are two entirely different tracks, but you can currently download them both at WFMU's Beware of the Blog:

By now, you must know how I love Irma Thomas. Peace to No Frontin' for posting another fine example of her indisputable excellence---"It's Raining":

I could be in the minority with this, but I've always counted "Lyrical Tactics" by Natural Elements as one of the best joints on DJ Premier's New York Reality Check 101 LP. You can currently download the mp3 at Chasing Red, along with several other worthy tracks, such as "The Message" (Cymande), "I Get Lifted" (George McCrae), "Criminology" (Raekwon), "For Once in My Life" (Stevie Wonder), etc:

Ear Fuzz recently posted a few solo songs by members of The Temptations. Download "It's So Hard for Me to Say Goodbye" and "If You Let Me" by Eddie Kendricks, as well as "Feel Like Givin' Up" by Paul Williams. Sadly (and somewhat ironically), Williams shot himself before the latter track had even been released:

Have you heard "Ping" by Busta Rhymes yet? This joint is only recommended for those who are intrigued by the concept of him rapping over the theme song to "Three's Company". Cop it at Think Tank:

At Silence Is A Rhythm, Too, you can download Candi Staton's "You Don't Have Far To Go", a cover of a Merle Haggard song that appears on her latest LP, His Hands:

Speaking of Candi Staton, you can download her version of Elvis' song "Suspicious Minds" at My Old Kentucky Blog. There are several covers of this song included in the same post---just don't sleep on the one by Dee Dee Warwick:

Also at MOKB, you can download Betty Everett's rendition of The Beach Boys' song "God Only Knows", along with a wide assortment of other versions:

More Lupe Fiasco mixtape joints are up at Palms Out Sounds. Download "The Pen & The Needlz", "Sittin' Sideways Freestyle", "1st & 15th Is Back", and "Absolute Fiasco":

Cop "Little Renee" by Digable Planets at Underneathica:

By now, most heads are aware that Beanie Sigel got shot the other day. In case you only come out of your cave to read Souled On, let me assure you that Beans survived the attack.
Read more details about the incident here:
Download two of his joints ("Feel It in the Air" and "Roc the Mic") at callmeMICKEY:

An incredible post over at Feed Me Good Tunes includes tracks by C Rayz Walz ("Buck 80"), Mobb Deep ("Win or Lose"), Darondo ("How I Got Over"), Edgar Allen Floe ("The Torch", produced by 9th Wonder), Sixtoo ("Sidewinder"), DJ J Period & CL Smooth ("Win or Lose"), Kool Keith & Kutmasta Kurt ("Takin' It Back"), and Declaime & J. Rawls ("Revolution"):

Download Otis Redding's "Wonderful World" at Cacophony and Coffee:

The Rawking Refuses To Stop posted a couple of "eccentric soul" songs---"I'll Be on My Way" by Bob & Fred and Soul President's "Got to Have It":

I know that the thought of Gnarls Barkley being mashed with The Shirelles could be kinky, nauseating, or both. However, I have to give props to DJ Schmolli---this is a trillion times better than I would have imagined. Download the mp3 at Between Thought And Expression:

If you aren't familiar with Ammoncontact, all that I can say by way of a description is that it's jazz/hip-hop/funk/electronica music. Download a couple of their joints ("Beautiful Flowers" and "Elevation") at

Fans of gospel and soul need to know about Barbara & The Browns if they don't already. Feel It recently posted the mp3 of Barbara Brown's song "Watchdog". From there, you can also catch a link to Deep Soul Heaven, where you can download numerous recordings by the entire group. Don't sleep on "I Don't Want to Have to Wait", no matter what you do:

Analog Giant has kindly posted several Pharoahe Monch mp3s, including a few remixes:

Visit Music Is Art to download "Rosa Parks" (Outkast), "Running Away" (Bob Marley), and "We Need A Resolution" (Aaliyah):

Before I go, I have to express my appreciation to The Broke BBoys for blessing Souled On with a link. No bullshit---I've admired what these guys do for quite some time, so I'm honored:

You know, if I ever quit fuckin' with Mary Jane, I might actually update my permanent links list one day. Jesus said he'll help me get on my game, and he's a man of his word.

Know Jesus, Know Peace, bitches...


Anonymous said...

Yea Jesus!

I'm a huge fan! (For an atheist that is.)

Very pleased that Jesus has such good taste in people and politics (if not footwear and followers).

This aunt he speaks of, John the Baptist's mother? No idea she was baboon-like.

I can't check the plethora links yet (computer is doing some work right now) but I look forward to the future snagging.



Michael said...

Who knew Hay-sus was so cool?

Scholar said...

Firpo---Jesus has read your comment and wants you to know that he's been wearing much more sensible shoes lately.

When he talked about his aunt, he was actually making reference to a woman he calls "auntie peaches", but she's actually not a blood relative. I realize that sort of refutes his entire argument for evolution, but some things make sense to Jesus that the rest of us aren't smart enough to understand. Get it?

Michael---you don't even know the half, bro---Jesus/Hay-sus is absolutely cooler than a fan.

Rob Whatman said...

Thanks for tipping us off to the Irma Thomas and Eddie Kendricks, especially... looking forward to the next Jesus epistle.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post as always... but without mary youd have to give up all your funk cause sadly thems just the rules.

Scholar said...

Rob---I'm guessing that sooner or later, Jesus will be resurrected on these pages.

Glad you appreciated the stuff by The Temps and Irma. I give mad props to Ear Fuzz and No Frontin' for supplying us with such impressive musical selections.

I visited your blog, and was impressed. Hopefully I'll be able to send some readers your way through upcoming posts.

Anon---you're absolutely right. Mary most definitely should have been mentioned. However, I'm pretty sure that she was at a pro-choice rally the day of the interview, so she may have been out of sight, out of mind.

Additonally, many thanks for your kind words...

obifromsouthlondon said...

lol @tom cruise being gay. borderline in my opinion (but then hey, the lord knows best ;)

great links (as always)

In Jesus name, Amen

Scholar said...

Amen, brother...

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