Monday, September 12, 2005

Human Diversity Makes Tolerance A Requirement For Survival

I had to quarantine myself at home this weekend because some dirtbag gave me the flu. I ended up getting exceptionally bored, so I watched Ego Trip's Race-O-Rama series for the 17th time. That's a funny thing about being a can experience something more than once, and yet, it seems brand new every single time. Anyway, despite being stoned on Nyquil for the past few days, I did somewhat pay attention to the episode about white people acquiring ghetto passes. In order to get a ghetto pass, the general perception is that you have to be one cool-ass white person. This made me start thinking about the whole situation from a reversed perspective---what's the criteria for a black person scoring a trailer park pass? I still haven't exactly figured out the formula, but I did manage to compose this list, based upon my own observations...

Top 9 Black Folk Who've Been Granted A Trailer Park Pass:
9) Redd Foxx/Fred Sanford---I don't know...must be a rusty junk thang.
8) Will Smith---large dopey ears = nonthreatening African-American male.
7) Michael Jackson---white people like beating it, too.
6) Bill Cosby---it's sacrilegious for a person of any race to dislike pudding pops.
5) Oprah Winfrey---she's every woman, and a handful of white dudes, too.
4) Various black athletes---in the grand scheme of things, sports are usually a higher priority than racist ideology.
3) Black Velvet---get all juiced up, and wake up in the morning with your sister in bed next to you...yee haw.
2) Jimi Hendrix---the man transcends all space, race and time.
1) Jesus Christ---okay...this one is sort of a cheat, because people in the trailer park think that Jesus is a white guy. But fuck it---there's still no better choice for the prime spot.
Note: Honorable mentions were awarded to Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell. I realize they're both pretty white, but I had to disqualify them, because no self-respecting hillbilly gives a fuck about either one of them.
You have to admit, though--the people on this list have really accomplished something. It's hard being black in a trailer park without getting shot by a BB gun, or being hogtied and eaten by some dude who thinks Ted Nugent is God.
If I haven't said it before, I'm saying it now----please don't ever take me too seriously. I swear I'm not actually a racist asshole. For your information, I have a lot of purple friends. And truthfully, I've lived everywhere from the hoods to the if you are reading this in a trailer, holla---I feel your plight, man.
One more weird race relations piece...Black People Love Us is one of the strangest sites I've ever witnessed: Meet John, Sally, and all of their black friends...these people look like they are totally spaced.
I get grouchy when I'm sick, and as a result, I haven't been too pleased with the mp3s I've found the past couple of days. There have been a few good posts, though...
Can I Bring My Gat? is featuring some music by artists from New Orleans. Download mp3s by Lee Dorsey, Allen Toussaint, Aaron Neville, and The Meters:
More mp3s by Toussaint and The Meters are available at Soul Sides: The posts on both of these blogs are great, but I'm still disappointed that I haven't seen any features on my very favorite singer from New Orleans...Irma Thomas.
Jungle Mission posted a nice old school track by Ice Cube. Link to the right.
Finally, Nomadic Trackz has a free mp3 to download that's a remix of Run-DMC's "My Adidas". Warning: this remix is not for the thug in you. I personally like it a warped way, but it's a little too pretty or something. See for yourself:
If you think the spacing is screwed up on this post you're absolutely right. Blogger sucks, and so do my computer skills...


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